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The solution is simple. In a completely sterile environment, spend hours sewing additional pockets into your coat. Be sure to wear rubber gloves. Label each pocket according to what type of salad it will hold (e.g. rocket, beet root, carrot, bits of radish etc.). Enter your local supermarket wearing your special coat and brandishing a pair of sterilised tongs. Using the tongs, carefully pick up pieces of loose salad (while wearing the rubber gloves, of course) and place them within the designated pocket. If a piece doesn’t look clean, ask staff to wash it off, but make sure to view their vaccination records first. Race home, shower thoroughly, then enjoy your salad.

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