Live like a king in Scotland for the cost of a one-bedroom flat in London

What are the moat maintenance fees? Is one provided, or do I have to dig my own? Is there room Continue reading →

Drunk man eats 250g of concrete thinking it’s food

I sense beleaguered residents of Ibiza and Magaluf will be setting out pails of concrete on every street corner. You Continue reading →

A goth claims she was ‘ridiculed’ by staff at Tesco

  They neglected to mention that the staff included Andrew Eldritch, lead singer of The Sisters of Mercy and former Continue reading →

Fan of bagged salad leaves? It could give you salmonella!

The solution is simple. In a completely sterile environment, spend hours sewing additional pockets into your coat. Be sure to Continue reading →

Policeman told car he’d just reported stolen was actually his

Who is this officer? Every Wednesday morning, there’s a racket outside my flat. Hours later, when I go out to Continue reading →

Thousands sign up for community service after failing to read terms and conditions

Buyer beware. I hastily ordered some online pet insurance for my six year old cat. Now I am operating a Continue reading →

Naked woman gets stuck upside down and dangling from tree

I’m really inspired! I was walking through a remote wood the other day when I heard anxious cries for help. Continue reading →

“Partly wrong with a chance of being right: Weather forecast”

Tomorrow we can expect more hot air followed by rising hyperbole, clouded judgment and foggy notions. American Friends of Tel Continue reading →