Harry Kane fivers worth £50,000 are now in circulation somewhere in Britain

I know how you can turn a fiver into £50,000. To learn my secret, please mail me a fiver.   Continue reading →

Farmer builds 30ft wall of hay to ‘annoy neighbours who blocked his planning permission’

He has two brothers. One brother made a wall out of sticks and the oldest brother made one out of Continue reading →

Rude Arrows: RAF pilot denies leaving giant penis vapour trail in sky

    A similar scene was cut from ‘Top Gun’. Producers thought it already had enough homoerotic undertones.

Boris Johnson refuses to apologise for saying women in burkas look like letterboxes

Maybe that’s true, but I remain open-minded and inclusive. I gave a woman in a burka a letter to my Continue reading →

Poundland starts selling things for more than £1 sparking fears that the end is nigh

Ignoring popular opinion and common sense, I bravely walked along the well-trodden Gillingham High Street. During my brief sojourn, I Continue reading →

Fisherman pulls Uzi submachine gun out of canal in London

Chuck Norris dropped it when he leaned over the edge to check his moustache in the reflection.

The Ta-Ta Towel is here to save you from the horror of underboob sweat

    I’m proud to admit that I was part of the multinational team that developed the Ta-Ta Towel. I Continue reading →

You don’t have to buy anything in Starbucks to be able to use to their loo anymore

I went to use the loo in my own flat, but had to buy a caffè mocha first. I think Continue reading →