A really smelly poo in the middle of a carriage caused a train to be cancelled

As a result, the new London Underground audible passenger warning says: Mind the crap.

Now you can clean your teeth using black toothpaste

Finally goths and emos, once resistant to the brush-once-a-day mentality, can enjoy the same degree of oral hygiene formally reserved Continue reading →

Boy, 3, scared to use the toilet after he was ‘drop-kicked by girl in Nando’s bathroom’

My neighbour’s son was dropped-kicked by a thirteen year old girl in in the KFC ladies toilet and he couldn’t Continue reading →

Farmer builds 30ft wall of hay to ‘annoy neighbours who blocked his planning permission’

He has two brothers. One brother made a wall out of sticks and the oldest brother made one out of Continue reading →

Chancellor claims driving trains is so easy ‘even a woman could do it’

  Actually, if women were driving them maybe they’d run on time for a change. I say we try it.

Rude Arrows: RAF pilot denies leaving giant penis vapour trail in sky

    A similar scene was cut from ‘Top Gun’. Producers thought it already had enough homoerotic undertones.

Brexit supporters want British passports without French words – there’s one major flaw

Furthermore, French Dressing will become just “Dressing”, French’s Classic Yellow Mustard will be shortened to “Classic Yellow Mustard”,  Gérard Depardieu Continue reading →

Boris Johnson refuses to apologise for saying women in burkas look like letterboxes

Maybe that’s true, but I remain open-minded and inclusive. I gave a woman in a burka a letter to my Continue reading →