Do you think it’s okay to interfere in someone else’s relationship?

I think you should avoid relationships altogether. They will only get you and everyone else into trouble. Divert your energies Continue reading →

Poundland starts selling things for more than £1 sparking fears that the end is nigh

Ignoring popular opinion and common sense, I bravely walked along the well-trodden Gillingham High Street. During my brief sojourn, I Continue reading →

Fisherman pulls Uzi submachine gun out of canal in London

Chuck Norris dropped it when he leaned over the edge to check his moustache in the reflection.

Woman found guilty of murdering husband after parrot kept repeating ‘don’t shoot!’

However, with the parrot under intense scrutiny, prosecutors could not explain why the husband hollered “Hello” and “Pretty Bird” moments Continue reading →

The Ta-Ta Towel is here to save you from the horror of underboob sweat

    I’m proud to admit that I was part of the multinational team that developed the Ta-Ta Towel. I Continue reading →

You don’t have to buy anything in Starbucks to be able to use to their loo anymore

I went to use the loo in my own flat, but had to buy a caffè mocha first. I think Continue reading →

Town flooded with chocolate after storage tank spilled across roads

In related news, a lorry packed with nuts skidded across the chocolate road and tore wide open upon tearing through Continue reading →

Thug wielding Samurai sword filmed threatening to ‘slice’ ice-cream van worker

In related news, the film rights have been snapped up by Steven Seagal. His next direct-to-DVD opus will be called Continue reading →