Harry Kane fivers worth £50,000 are now in circulation somewhere in Britain

I know how you can turn a fiver into £50,000. To learn my secret, please mail me a fiver.   Continue reading →

Woman threw dog poo at ex-husband after ‘finding details of 200 prostitutes on his laptop’

Disgruntled Ex-wife Discovery of Details of Prostitutes Escalation Scheme: 1) If you find 1 to 5 details of prostitutes – Continue reading →

Farmer builds 30ft wall of hay to ‘annoy neighbours who blocked his planning permission’

He has two brothers. One brother made a wall out of sticks and the oldest brother made one out of Continue reading →

Boris Johnson refuses to apologise for saying women in burkas look like letterboxes

Maybe that’s true, but I remain open-minded and inclusive. I gave a woman in a burka a letter to my Continue reading →

Fisherman pulls Uzi submachine gun out of canal in London

Chuck Norris dropped it when he leaned over the edge to check his moustache in the reflection.

The top three things you never want to find in a jar of Marmite

The top three things you never want to find in a jar of Marmite: 3. Insects 2. Human hair 1. Continue reading →

You don’t have to buy anything in Starbucks to be able to use to their loo anymore

I went to use the loo in my own flat, but had to buy a caffè mocha first. I think Continue reading →

Town flooded with chocolate after storage tank spilled across roads

In related news, a lorry packed with nuts skidded across the chocolate road and tore wide open upon tearing through Continue reading →