Chancellor claims driving trains is so easy ‘even a woman could do it’

  Actually, if women were driving them maybe they’d run on time for a change. I say we try it.

Rude Arrows: RAF pilot denies leaving giant penis vapour trail in sky

    A similar scene was cut from ‘Top Gun’. Producers thought it already had enough homoerotic undertones.

Brexit supporters want British passports without French words – there’s one major flaw

Furthermore, French Dressing will become just “Dressing”, French’s Classic Yellow Mustard will be shortened to “Classic Yellow Mustard”,  Gérard Depardieu Continue reading →

Boris Johnson refuses to apologise for saying women in burkas look like letterboxes

Maybe that’s true, but I remain open-minded and inclusive. I gave a woman in a burka a letter to my Continue reading →

Do you think it’s okay to interfere in someone else’s relationship?

I think you should avoid relationships altogether. They will only get you and everyone else into trouble. Divert your energies Continue reading →

Poundland starts selling things for more than £1 sparking fears that the end is nigh

Ignoring popular opinion and common sense, I bravely walked along the well-trodden Gillingham High Street. During my brief sojourn, I Continue reading →

Fisherman pulls Uzi submachine gun out of canal in London

Chuck Norris dropped it when he leaned over the edge to check his moustache in the reflection.

Woman found guilty of murdering husband after parrot kept repeating ‘don’t shoot!’

However, with the parrot under intense scrutiny, prosecutors could not explain why the husband hollered “Hello” and “Pretty Bird” moments Continue reading →