Harry Kane fivers worth £50,000 are now in circulation somewhere in Britain

I know how you can turn a fiver into £50,000. To learn my secret, please mail me a fiver.   Continue reading →

Brexit supporters want British passports without French words – there’s one major flaw

Furthermore, French Dressing will become just “Dressing”, French’s Classic Yellow Mustard will be shortened to “Classic Yellow Mustard”,  Gérard Depardieu Continue reading →

Almost half of Brits are too scared to have a poo at work

A sad situation. My advice is simple and straight forward. Speak to your employer. Invite him or her to your Continue reading →

Thug wielding Samurai sword filmed threatening to ‘slice’ ice-cream van worker

In related news, the film rights have been snapped up by Steven Seagal. His next direct-to-DVD opus will be called Continue reading →

Boris Johnson refuses to apologise for saying women in burkas look like letterboxes

Maybe that’s true, but I remain open-minded and inclusive. I gave a woman in a burka a letter to my Continue reading →

The top three things you never want to find in a jar of Marmite

The top three things you never want to find in a jar of Marmite: 3. Insects 2. Human hair 1. Continue reading →

‘Appalling’ ‘English-only’ rule at Lidl sparks Welsh row

Outrageous! I was asked to leave one of their stores for speaking Klingon. I was naked and sleeping in a Continue reading →

The Ultimate Guide to Resisting, Undermining and Destabilizing Trump and his Media Circus: Step 1

Tired of carnival barker Trump? Exhausted by his three-ring circus? Distrustful of the media acrobats and extremist clowns? Then follow Continue reading →