Chancellor claims driving trains is so easy ‘even a woman could do it’

  Actually, if women were driving them maybe they’d run on time for a change. I say we try it.

Farmer builds 30ft wall of hay to ‘annoy neighbours who blocked his planning permission’

He has two brothers. One brother made a wall out of sticks and the oldest brother made one out of Continue reading →

Couple get trapped in unlocked cupboard for two days while ‘high on drugs’

If you can stand two days together locked inside a cupboard, high as a kite and surrounded by excrement, then Continue reading →

Rude Arrows: RAF pilot denies leaving giant penis vapour trail in sky

    A similar scene was cut from ‘Top Gun’. Producers thought it already had enough homoerotic undertones.

Bodybuilder reveals how he almost died from ladybird bite

Ladybirds have been keeping bodybuilders off my plants for decades. They are a highly effective, completely natural, 100% environmentally friendly Continue reading →

Ghost Story

In a recent issue of Fortean Times (recommended reading), I learnt that Mitch Winehouse claims Amy Winehouse’s ghost returns to Continue reading →

What Would the World be Like if I was in Charge?

If I was in charge, I’d announce that everyone could wake up whenever they wanted to. I’d explain that my Continue reading →

Brexit supporters want British passports without French words – there’s one major flaw

Furthermore, French Dressing will become just “Dressing”, French’s Classic Yellow Mustard will be shortened to “Classic Yellow Mustard”,  Gérard Depardieu Continue reading →