I’ve always been fond of so-bad-they’re-good movies, ever since I discovered a tattered paperback copy of “The Golden Turkey Awards” amongst the exalted shelves of the historic Goderich Public Library. Ignoring my homework, I read it enthusiastically from cover to cover, hoping to one day sample the unique cinematic riches described therein.

It’s all fine and well to go out of your way to enjoy bad movies on TV, or perhaps rent them on VHS (as I did back in the day). However, paying extortionate prices to accidentally experience one in a theatre is a totally unacceptable attack on a filmgoer’s taste, dignity and character. But what do you do if the film’s a turkey? To be honest, to justify the ticket price – let alone the drink and popcorn I had saved for weeks to buy – I’ve never walked out of a film. Alas – I let my taste, dignity and character fall to the side strictly for financial reasons. I paid for it, so I had to finish it. However, I definitely HAVE wanted to walk out of films! Here’s a list of films that I felt were so horrible, insulting, irritating, unimaginative, disappointing and/or boring that I wanted to pick up my popcorn and leave.

  1. The Fifth Element
  2. Crash (2004)
  3. Organ (1996)
  4. The Pillow Book
  5. Ninja III: The Domination
  6. Death Wish 4: The Crackdown
  7. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
  8. Darwin (This documentary, which screened at Hot Docs, was so horrible I cannot remember the full title – probably a Darwinian survival mechanism.)
  9. The Mummy
  10. eXistenZ
  11. Ashes of Time
  12. Death and the Compass
  13. Inland Empire
  14. Roxanne (NOT because it was bad – quite the contrary! It is a wonderful comedic film. So why is it on my list? More on this one later.)

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