Before I begin, an admission – I am a dodo fan. Guess I’ve always had a thing for posthumous fame. I went to the Grant Museum of Zoology in London and saw the best collection of dodo bones on planet Earth – and I’m partial to the David Bowie song.
In fact, Bowie’s lyrics are strangely prophetic of life in Canada (much like Orwell’s words, since this song was written for a unrealized “1984” musical):
Now we can talk in confidence
Did you guess that we’ve been done wrong
Lies jumped the queue to be first in line
Such a shameless design
Anyway, cut to the present. I just saw a rather underwhelming video on the dodo (yes, it is possible). It proposed that they didn’t go extinct due to “slowness” and we’ve “been lied to”, a claim too dramatic and simplistic to be true and presented nothing new or of interest for fans. However, the video did remind me of one thing – my Canada.
To begin, anything with “dodo” in the title is innately full of spoilers, rather like someone retelling you the story of Jesus or the Titanic. But bear with me; the comparison is warranted.
Much like the dodo, I think we Canadians are far too comfortable – fat on abundant food with no predators in sight. We lay eggs wherever they fall and decades of causal indifference to the environment around us has led to reduced fight or flight response in our grey matter – or reduced grey matter in those who propose to lead us (towards mutual oblivion). For it takes but one Russian sub, or Chinese balloon, to threaten our icy shores; we cower in fear. Our beaks are too round and awkward to put up much of a defense. Our wings, atrophied from lack of use, keep us rooted firmly in danger’s path.
Maybe a few Canadians would survive colonization. Tucked away, isolated, these particular specimens could be found having a beer and Doritos, playing first-person shooter games in their parents’ basement, dreaming of being a YouTuber and moving out of the house at the age of 40. With some of the highest rents in the G7 can you blame them? Maybe I’m to blame. After all, what am I doing to save Canada – writing a salty blog post? What good will that do? Maybe I should just do what Trudeau wants me to: ignore all the problems and keep on spending until you’re as broke(en) as the rest of the country and forced to consider government endorsed assisted suicide – a shameless design. I don’t think the dodos would have gone for assisted suicide; you have to hand it to them; they lived on their terms to the bitter end. No easy way out for them. I wonder – how will this end for us?
Maybe in the near future I can return to the Grant Museum of Zoology to see the remains of Canada. One can only dream.
“dodo” by kevinzim is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0.