I was just waiting in the chemists. The title gave that away, but there’s more. I’m not going to tell you what I was waiting for. That’s personal. However, I will say that it had nothing to do with the lower intestinal tract, which should put your mind at ease and allow us to continue – shall we? So I was waiting – at the chemists – when I looked up and saw a very large and diverse collection of condoms for sale. It immediately struck me that products are carefully placed so that you are constantly reminded of what you SHOULD be doing, instead of what you ARE doing – which in my case was waiting (at the chemists). So I continued to wait, surveying the condoms. I was shocked to see a condom entitled ‘Extended Pleasure’. At first I thought this was a clever play on words, but then it occurred to me how kids these days have it all. Gone are the days when you had to do all the heavy lifting yourself, replaced (I believe) by a condom that offers additional benefits in the face of apathy and perhaps over-familiarity. Now, I don’t know what exactly these ‘Extended Pleasure’ condoms do, or what pleasure they are extending (although my guess is as good as yours!); but I’m certain they cannot replace age old customs, such as summoning an early morning cab for yourself or your lover. Chivalry is not dead, and despite the vulgar promise offered by these little boxes of sin, I took leave of the chemists. Fired up with passion, confidence, and a new sense of purpose I immediately … well, actually I ended up waiting again.
Extended Pleasure?
Published by Kadath Press
Chatham, UK
Copyright © 2014 Cameron A. Straughan
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please contact the publisher.
First Printing – December, 2014
ISBN: 9781310970672
A copy of this chapter is available in the Legal Deposit,
Library and Archives Canada
Trapped on a rock floating in space 