American woman has stretched her neck to five inches with a brass coil

You got to have a dream,
If you don’t have a dream,
How you gonna have a dream come true?

Lyrics from Happy Talk, by Rodgers And Hammerstein

Some women want bigger boobs, others want a smaller waist… this woman wants a longer neck. Siam Goorwich for Metro.co.uk

Laugh if you must, but this woman had a dream and unlike a lot of lazy sods who spend too much time in front of the computer in their parent’s basement while the doorbell rings and rings because the delivery man has their latest Sailor Moon DVDs piled high in his trembling arms – she did something about it!

I can only guess what her youth was like. Saw “The Breakfast Club” fourteen times. Owned every Depeche Mode album. Wouldn’t talk to boys unless they talked to her first. Kissed a boy in the back seat of a car, but never necked. Liked giraffes.

High School Guidance Counsellor: What would you like to be when you grow up?

Woman: I want to stretch my neck.

High School Guidance Counsellor: Can I recommend brass coils?

I can see her overcoming all the usual hurdles that polite society, in a desperate bid to make everyone the same so they can feel better about their own shortcomings, places in front of the eccentric so they trip, fall, and exhaust themselves in an absurd quest for ‘normalcy’.

Woman: Do you have any brass coils – you know, the type used for stretching your neck?

Hardware Salesperson: I’m sorry Miss, we’re fresh out of that popular item.

I salute this brave young woman. I greatly admire her unique, single-minded quest to redefine cultural norms and achieve her dream. May she be a constant source of inspiration to generations of short necked women everywhere.