Now there’s a time limit on grief: £159 fines for mourners if funeral services overrun by just FIVE minutes

Being buried has never been so easy with our new menu:
• A handful of soil, suitable for tossing onto coffin – £1.00 per handful (available at dispensing machine)
• Extra mourners (in case you don’t have enough) – £100 / mourner / hour
• Disposal Fee: Price is per body – £1.69 / kg. (Note: Please remove body from coffin and weigh it at the conveniently placed weigh station before burying)

Your Local Council – Serving you until the bitter end.